Bone Trucking is on its way to becoming the most desired career in the United States.
A recently-released study shows that five or six people are now aware of "bone-trucking" as a phrase, albeit a nonsensical one. This is significant because it shows a 500 - 600% increase over that statistic from last year. At this rate, Bone Trucking might come to represent an actual formulation in the English language within ten years, and, perhaps three decades from then, it might come to be associated with revenue flows in the United States.
'This is revolutionary because the American people need jobs," Presidential Candidate Wilt Ramsey said, Tuesday. "And the American people have bones. What's more, we make the most trucks in the world. Put that all together, and what do you get? Not just bone trucking: you get American Bone Trucking. We can export that to China, India, and Mexico, and expand our quarterly losses by at least--"
MISSOULA, Tennessee - The National Association of Syndicated Groups announced today that you can indeed, acquire or achieve that thing you have always wanted to.
"This is a momentous occasion," said Peter T. Graff, Chief Director of the NASG. "People all over the world have always wanted to be able to do -- or get -- many various things, but have often hesitated because it was never clear if the thing could be gotten, or done.
"Well, today, my friends," Graff concluded triumphantly, "You certainly can."
The announcement follows several months of thoroughly unscientific study by NASG-affiliated groups. A significant majority of these groups were some combination of unemployed College Frat Boys and homeless drunkards, who largely sat in rooms, generating and following random thought-trains until the conversation could be narrowed down to a decision motivated by desire.
"We would end up with, like, someone saying they wanted something, or they wanted to do things," said Frederick O'Flannery, Freshman at New Caledonia Community College and NASG Study Group participant. "In, maybe, like 70-something percent of the cases, we found out that we could do or get the thing we wanted. Then someone was like, 'whoa.'"
Whoa, indeed. When the freshman later expressed his desire for this reporter's shoes -- and was gently rebuffed -- he walked way, muttering something about correlation and causation.
A bewildered and overwhelmed T. Raft has announced his intention to step down from his position as CEO of Shake and Collateral Co., this Thursday. Mr Raft, who has been indicted on multiple counts of jury abuse, does not seem to understand why he is suddenly reviled in public places.
"I went to purchase coffee," Raft says, "And the barista made no attempt to hide the fact that he was spitting into my coffee."
This isn't Raft's first run-in with the law. In 1976, at age five, T. Raft became the youngest person to ever be arrested. Two officers lost their lives, and it became necessary to restrain the beligerent Raft using most unorthodox methods. Fifteen years later, Raft returned to his hometown after a lengthy world tour, during which he had aimed to be incarcerated in as many countries as possible before his eighteenth birthday.
"I mostly succeeded, too," smirked the colossally irritating individual. "But, as it turns out, the Lomar Republic has the most lax laws on the planet."
His latest indictment (fourteen separate counts of assaulting jury members in a courtroom) is viewed with pride. Raft has expressed no plans to do anything about it.
WELL FOLKS SOMETHING HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION MANY TIMES IN THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS AND IT ANNOYS ME TO NO END SO I MAY AS WELL GET IT OFF MY CHEST.
THE CENTER ON MAIN IS RENTED SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR TO THE "TRUCK LOAD TOOL SALE" FOR WHAT EVER AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT THEY CHARGE. IN THE PROCESS THERE ARE MANY LOCAL BUSINESS WHO SUFFER FROM THIS RENTAL. IS IT WORTH THE RENTAL OF THE BUILDING FOR THE LOST REVENUE TO THE CITY IN PAYROLL TAXES AND LOST SALES TO THE LOCAL BUSINESS WHO INDEED SELL TOOLS. WHILE HAVING THE TRUCK LOAD SALE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN ATTENDANCE PARK RIGHT IN THE FRONT PARKING LOT OF ONE OF THE LOCAL BUSINESSES WHO IN TURN SELLS "TOOLS".
I KNOW ONW THING IT SURE HAS HURT MY BUSINESS EVERYTIME THAT THEY HAVE IT!!!!
I see your point about the difference between news coverage and cancellations. I hadn't thought of it that way.
The One-Call system is new to the school district this year. The schools and/or the district are able to make recorded calls to send out to every student's home in the district or to any of a large number of sub-groups such as the middle school girl's basketball team or the high school band. It has been a very good communications tool for everything from cancellations to meeting announcements. Overall, this has gotten very good feedback.
I had someone call me this afternoon who had the following question. As someone impartial in the issue, I can't really answer it, but perhaps it will encourage discussion. The person asked "If the Max Gilpin death had not occured at PRP last Summer, would there have been a lawsuit filed in this case?" Interesting query.
I don't know what the motivation for a lawsuit. As far as I can see from the press reports, there was no unusual circumsances to the events. It seems odd that after all the fund raising and praises that were given that a lawsuit shows up. To say the coaches the coaches "acted with reckless disregard" seems extreme. Is this the lawyers or the family?